Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
