Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
