I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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