piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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