True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
