No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
