This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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