I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
