he puts the penis in happiness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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