No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize