I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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