I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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