i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the raccoons are back...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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