We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A+ Viking dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
