Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
