I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
