Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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