if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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