we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize