She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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