I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
