I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
