I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
