man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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