dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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