at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
