porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
