I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
