I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
