I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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