we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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