Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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