I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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