I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
