an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
