I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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