i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
