Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
