I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
