3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Semen is not good for contacts.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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