Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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