I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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