oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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