I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
