Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found puke in my bra..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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