my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
