i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
