So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize