Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
