the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
