my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
