My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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