I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
