I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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