so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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