thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
