I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
