Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
