I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's never too late to be topless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
