I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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