The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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