In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize