Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
