you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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