I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
