i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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