ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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