I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
