Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we're so committed to being not committed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
