my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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