In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
