Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
