this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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