My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
