She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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