my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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