I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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