oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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