I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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