I love black thongs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
