Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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