Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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