I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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