You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
