I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
