My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize