I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
