I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
