My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
